I can’t simply tell anyone my feelings. It’s hard for me to look at someone and talk about my feelings. I don’t like to open up and I keep my guard up. It’s hard to break down this wall I have built up. I want to so badly, but at the same time, I don’t want to let anyone in. I’m trying to change that. I hope I can. I don’t want to screw something possibly good for me.
Oh yknow, you’re welcome to come to my house uninvited any time you want, and just walk in my room and announce that you’re here to use my internet. And maybe eat my food too, that’s fine. S’all good. Anything for the homie.
There is a missing beat
Inside of me
The rhythm of my heart
There’s a missing piece
Inside of me
Missing Piece - David Choi
That’s why you can’t expect so much.
Blehhhh. Just be happy.
This night didn’t end the way I thought it would. Fuck this.
These past two days has been aaaamazing. Things didn’t really go as planned but that’s when it’s the best. The part I liked best is that I didn’t have to think about what was making me so upset this whole past week. I got to hang out with my favorite people. Dining, shopping, laughing, singing, almost everything. I really enjoyed it and I wish there were more days like today and yesterday. Good times doesn’t necessarily happen with a large group of people.. Just a few is good enough. I felt independent today.. I felt free and but still living a teenage life. I had the best people to be around and keep me company and I didn’t have to think of you. Funny cos I thought I would just think about you even more. But I thought wrong. This is what I call a step onto the next page. This chapter is coming to an end. I’m glad it is, really. No more hurting, no more stressing. Time to be happy. :)
Time to leave this behind and forget it all happened.
Damn, I feel like such a little girl.
things weren’t as bad. But suddenly, everything wants to blow up this year. Junior year… Seriously? I’m going to be a senior in a couple of months. I wanna have fun with my friends and make that year the best out of my four years of high school. Things just had to get so damn complicated. I’m going to regret this. I know I will. But always go with your gut feeling, right? I know how I felt the second I heard it. I know how I felt the second, third, and fourth time I heard it. I’m sticking with it.. I guess. Maybe I’m fucking up. Maybe I’m possibly ruining what’s really going to make me happy in the end. I know I have trust issues. I can’t rely on others, and sometimes not even myself. But now, who’s left? Just me. So this is a decision I’m making myself and I’m going with it. Just hope that maybe this time, like always, I’m just overreacting, overthinking, or just stupid. Maybe it won’t be how I think it will be. Fingers X.
The truth scares me, and it hurts.
Is it stupid that I even feel this way? Knowing there’s no chance but taking the risk anyway? Wishing to move on but there’s no limb in my entire body that would enable me to? I feel pathetic. Why am I blogging so much all of a sudden? Now for sure, there is something wrong.